Rhonda Rabow’s Newsletter
Rhonda Rabow, M.A.
3 Steps towards communicating more assertively
1. It is important to make sure you are calm, before addressing any important issue. Use my deep breathing exercise to relax. You need to take a deep breath in, to the count of 4, hold in the breath to the count of 4, then release all the breath through your mouth slowly counting until 6. Do this a minimum of 3 times or until you feel more relaxed and grounded.
2. Think about what you want to say and how you want it to be heard. Make your intention to have a clear and reasonable discussion where your wants and needs can be easily understood while still respecting the other person’s point of view. Become aware of your body language. Will it be viewed as aggressive or open and relaxed? Your non-verbal communication is very important. It has a huge effect and is at least as important as the words you choose. Make sure your tone is calm and relaxed and you are maintaining eye contact.
3. Plan a good time to have the talk. Check out with the person when it would be convenient for them. Don't just spring it on them. You want them to be open and receptive as well. When you are ready to begin, Start off the dialogue with something like this: “ I know it isn’t your intention but when you …………………… then I feel …………………. What can we do to make sure that …………………………………won’t happen again?
For example. “When you cut me off before I am finished speaking, it makes me feel that you don’t value what I have to say and that hurts my feelings and makes me feel rejected and unimportant. I understand that you have something on your mind and maybe you feel the need to speak before you forget it, but would it be possible if this were to happen again, that you ask for a moment to write down your thoughts so you could continue to concentrate on what I am saying?”
Assertiveness is your ability to act in harmony with your self-esteem without hurting others. Author unknown
Assertiveness is a skill that can be learned. Once you have learned how to use the techniques, then you will only need to practice it in order to master it and use it effectively. It is also a wonderful communication tool to share with your friends and family. It will certainly improve your relationships at work, in the home and will drastically reduce conflicts and misunderstandings.
The benefits to Assertivenss training
- - get to win/win more easily
- - become better problem solvers
- - manage stress better
- - feeling more accomplished
- - develop leadership qualities
- - become an excellent communicator
- - learn to identify your needs and wants and have the right to ask them to be validated
- - builds self-confidence and self-esteem
- - feel empowered
- - improves relationships
- - enables you to set limits and establish boundaries
I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become..... Carl Jung
Rhonda Rabow, M.A.
Counseling Psychology, Psychotherapist
Please feel free to email me at: email@example.com
or call me at 514-626-4609
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