Discover the 3 Secrets to Living Happily Ever After by Rhonda Rabow

Rhonda Rabow’s Newsletter

Rhonda Rabow, M.A.

Saving Your Relationship

Statistics state that slightly less than half of the marriages in Canada end in divorce. This very startling statistic does not include couples who are living together, but not legally married. How many of them are truly happy with each other? How would those numbers affect the statistics? Another group to examine are those unhappily married people, staying together for the sake of the kids, financial security, or the fear of being alone. How many of them are truly happy in their relationship?

Other alarming statistics point to the effect that separation has on the children. In many studies, they have found that children of divorced parents tend to have a higher risk of developing ADD, ADHD, more aggressive behaviour, school drop-outs, as well as an increased risk of turning to drugs or alcohol to ease their pain. So, does that mean you should stay married even if you are unhappy, or should you leave and then worry the impact it may have on your children. What a difficult decision to make!

This doesn't mean that no one should divorce. There are circumstances where divorce is a much healthier alternative to living with an abusive, controlling or addictive partner; one who is unwilling or unable to take the steps necessary to change his/her behaviour. They say that children would prefer to be from a broken home, than continuing to live in one.

How much is too much to expect and how much is too much too tolerate? Obviously, that's a question that only you can answer for yourself. Leaving can be very difficult and should only be considered after all other attempts have been made to try to save it. For the average person, it can take up to 6 years to be ready to actually leave. In most cases, the partner they are leaving, is not a monster, or without any redeeming qualities. If he/she were, it would have been easier to make that decision. Most people's final decision to leave comes, not following one isolated incident, but after a series of disappointments, feeling unheard, alone, having their needs ignored. All this leads to the creation of a wall of resentment that just may be too big and it just may be too late, to save. How sad?

In my private practice, I have found that couples succeed in couple therapy when there is a willingness and a commitment present and there remains some genuine caring feelings for their partner. On the other hand, once someone has left the relationship, emotionally, if not physically, and is not willing or able to reduce their resentment or be able to forgive and let go, there is little chance for a reconnection or renewed happiness.

I have also found that even though it is ideal for both partners to be willing to work on their relationships, it is not always necessary for both partners to be present in the sessions. If the presenting partner is willing to change his or her style of communication and withdraw from the power struggle; lots of progress can be made which then tends to have a domino effect impacting the partner's behaviour as well.

How do you rate your relationship? Is it worth saving? Read my free relationship quiz called, "Should I stay or should I leave?" at www.helphelpmerhonda.ca/stay.html and then you decide!

Empowerment Quote:
We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible. Vince Lombardi

Please feel free to pass this newsletter along to any interested friends or family members. You can see previous articles by visiting my websites at www.helphelpmerhonda.ca and www.rhondarabow.com

Warm regards, Rhonda Rabow, M.A.
514-626-4609
RERabow@aol.com
Visit www.HelpHelpMeRhonda.ca for more FREE articles
Visit www.RhondaRabow.com for free excerpts from my new e-book on relationships

P.S. There are only a few spaces left for my Assertiveness course starting in September. If you are still interested in the discount, please get back to me to register. Feel free to call me at 514-626-4609 or email me at RERabow@aol.com. All the details can be found at www.helphelpmerhonda.ca/assertiveness_course.html

To read about past self-improvement newsletters and articles: Please log onto www.helphelpmerhonda.ca, and click on articles or at www.RhondaRabow.com, click on the button for newsletters, and scroll down to the bottom of the page.

If any of these newsletters may be of interest to your friends or family, please feel free to pass them forward.

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